Coach Meyer, Hadley Kelsey and Coach Kelsey

Coach Meyer getting into the Hall of Fame

In my years of being around the game of basketball I have been able to see some amazing moments, games and people, but this past weekend was a very special time.

My college coach, Don Meyer, was awarded the John W. Bunn Lifetime Achievement award by the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. At a dinner the night before the 2010 enshrinement ceremonies he received his highly regarded award.

http://www.nba.com/video/channels/hall_of_fame/2010/08/12/20100812_dinner_meyer.nba/index.html

During the enshrinement ceremonies the following evening they recognized him once again. On a night that Karl Malone, Scottie Pippen, Jerry Buss (owner of the Los Angeles Lakers), the 1992 Dream team, the 1960 Olympic team gold medal team (that featured Jerry Lucas, Oscar Robertson and Jerry West) and others were being honored Coach Meyer was mentioned along with the best of the best.

Anyone that has had the chance to play for Coach Meyer, work with coach, attend his camps or clinics, watch one of his DVD’s is aware of his passion for the game. Also, anyone that has been around coach knows that he belongs to be mentioned with the best of the best. For those of us that were privileged to play for coach we knew we were playing for someone special. Did we know that he would one day be in the Hall of Fame? Maybe we did and maybe we didn’t. What we did know was he was different than any other coach we ever had or would ever have again. There was no denying he was unique. His attention to detail is legendary. His obsession with the game is well known. His thirst for learning never is quenched. His desire to teach is unmatched by anyone else. He had the gift to teach and inspire and he used his gift. Karl Malone said in his own acceptance speech last Friday night while being inducted to the Hall of Fame class of 2010, “It was never about me.” Coach Meyer was the same way as Karl Malone. It was never about him.

Some people are given a gift and never use the gift God has handed them. They go through life complaining about not having this or that when they have the chance to use the gift right where they are. Coach took a job at David Lipscomb College in the 1970’s when it was decent job and turned it into a power. He turned it into something special. There were a lot of things he could have let derail him along his career, but he stayed focused and kept using his talents and gifts.

What a deserving moment for a deserving coach. He served the game and he served other people. He made sure to teach and show people how to serve others. If you weren’t serving the game and weren’t serving others what good were you doing? That seemed to be a motto he instilled into those that were around him for any period of time. He had and has no tolerance for selfishness.

When it as announced he was getting an award into the Hall of Fame I immediately made plans to go. I have a friend and alum that has been very good to our program, Thomas Jackson. I called him right away and told him to reserve the weekend. Once I got him on board I knew I couldn’t go and not take my son, Hadley. I had no idea what to expect of the weekend and never having been to the Hall of Fame we were all excited. So the three of us went and were able to have an incredible weekend and I will tell you about some of the people we were able to meet in another email. I can also show you some pictures, but my son has to show me how to get them onto my computer. I could only get this one of Coach Meyer, Hadley and myself.

It was my calling card during the weekend to tell NBA guys that I was there because of Coach Meyer. The NBA coaches I talked to know of Coach Meyer. Jerry Sloan and Hubie Brown were just a couple of coaches that spoke well of coach and his accomplishments.

Not too often in life do you get to play for a Hall of Fame coach. I consider myself one of the fortunate ones. A thrill for players that played for coach at Hamline, Lipscomb and Northern State to see our coach on such a stage with so many other major contributors to the game of basketball. It was fitting and well deserved to a man that has poured his life into this game and other people.

Coach has used his talent well. He has tried to get every ounce out of what God has given him. Coach gets the key to life. He knows how to pour himself into something. What he can do he does as well as he can. So many people walk through life without utilizing the talent that has been given to them. They fret and worry about what they don’t have. I’m afraid as a society we have become too focused on what we don’t have instead of what we do have. We need to think of ways to get every bit out of what we have to give. You may come across someone in your life that can pour what they have into something by using the talent they have. It may be they do it so well it’s natural. That is the way it supposed to happen. It is not forced or fake. It’s natural and fits like a glove. My prayer is that how we all use the talents God has given us. Don’t look for the things that are not on your plate, but see the great things in life you do have.

The Transition Game of Life #2

2. Work so hard you make an impression, but don’t try to impress.

There is a big difference in making an impression and trying to impress others. People will take notice of how hard you work and how efficient you are without you telling them. As you get older you will understand that people spot a phony a mile a way. It may take time, but the person that is not doing the work usually is exposed. You make an impression on your teachers, parent, coaches and bosses by your effort and production, not by sucking up.

If you try to impress people in your career you will find yourself constantly dissatisfied because you will be climbing the up the wrong ladder. As someone that is a both a boss and employee, I realize that it is a waste of time to try to fool people. You make an impression by the work you produce and nothing more. If you do your job and do what you are told on time you will make the impression you want to make. Talking about the job I am going to do is not the answer. Employers want to see results not just talking about what you are going to get done.

I do not need someone to tell me how hard they work or how hard they are going to work. It will show up in their production. In the summer most of our players have some freedom and they do not have strict workout plan. They can go back home or stay around our campus in order to work. They also can work out daily with our strength and conditioning coach. Each player that does not stay in town is sent home with a workout book. Whether they the workout or not every day I do not really have an accurate way to know. What I do know is that once we start conditioning at the beginning of school the ones that worked will beat the other players out for playing time.

Basketball is a skill sport and it takes time to work on your skill if you want to improve. You have to also hone your skills if you want to get better than your opponent. Most basketball players love to work on shooting. They enjoy getting into the gym and working out if it involves shooting the basketball.

Some of our players come from different economic backgrounds. Each guy does not have the same access to a gym as other guys may have. I have learned over time that it is hard to have a strict rule and expect guys to carry out a specific shooting routine in the summer time. As far as giving our guys a shooting program or shooting routine I know that each guy has a completely different set of circumstances. Some of them have easy access to a gym where they can get in there and have the space to work on their shooting on their own. Some are fortunate just to be able to find an open gym to find a place for a couple of hours. Each guy has a different set of circumstances. I decided long ago that I wasn’t going to enforce something that would then force guys to be dishonest. I had to trust we recruited the right kind of players and they were hungry enough and they would be working on their game throughout the summer. It may be in a gym individually going through a specific shooting routine or it may be in competition against some of the local players. If I have to worry about whether or not they are working on their game in the summer then I have recruited the wrong players.

I have kids tell me all the time how much time they have put in or what they have done to get better. What they tell me makes no difference. When we begin practice and conditioning at the beginning of school we will see who is in shape and who improved over the summer.

Bosses are not interested in showing someone else up on the job or gossiping about employees that are not doing their job so well. When you run the company, you can have the kind of people working for you that can fix problems. Usually you start out with a job at the bottom of the totem pole job. You move up by doing your work as well as you possibly can, not by showing up other people or pulling people down the totem pole.

There will always be people trying to impress the person in charge. You can not worry about those people. The ones that you know are phony eventually everyone else will know the same thing you know. If all they are doing is trying to make an impression they will fall down ultimately. Work hard, be on time, be responsible and do not complain then you will make a great impression.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” Colin Powell

In the coaching profession, there are many young coaches trying to move up the food chain. Each time a young coach asks for advice I tell them the same thing, “Prepare yourself and do not try to position yourself.” Too many young coaches think they can position themselves for the next big job and then once they get there they realize that they are not ready. It may be that way in a lot of professions, but you need to spend the time getting ready for your next job or next promotion by working as hard as you can at the job you have. Do not be the type of person that is always trying to maneuver to the top without paying your dues at the bottom. By going about your career path that way will leave you unprepared when your chance does present itself.

While I was an NCAA Division I assistant coach each July we had a recruiting period that coaches were on the road for over three and half weeks. For most of us, it was a fun time. You traveled all over the country in a t-shirt and shorts and watched kids play basketball all day long.

For colleges and universities that are recruiting at a high level they already know their recruits and the kids they want to sign. It turned out that July was not really recruiting, but we would call it “babysitting.” Coaches want to make you sure they kept in close proximity with their prized recruits.

It is an opportunity for the recruiters to be seen by the recruits at each game. Coaches position themselves so the young men you are recruiting know that you are at their game to watch them play. All the coaches wear t-shirts that have big school logos on the front. You try to position so that you were near the floor or least close enough to be seen by those who mattered in the recruiting battle. You make sure to visit with the player’s coach following the game so he would also know we were in attendance. With today’s rules you are not longer allowed to talk with the coaches at the games.

It was a game within the game to see as many kids as you could, but also to be seen by as many kids as you could. There were a couple of events every summer held in Memphis simultaneously. One coach in particular from a major program used to give some of us a good laugh. He was smaller guy, but he made sure to get a large car from the rental car company, usually a Cadillac. He would go from gym to gym and made sure to time it just right in order that he could see as many players as possible. He would show up after the game was over, but he would pretend that he was at the game the entire time. He would come up after the game shake the coach’s hand and make sure the recruit was close by. “I wouldn’t miss you guys play for anything,” he would say. ”Michael sure looked good out there today. I am going to be at every game you guys play,” he might add. Other coaches knew what a phony the coach was and it was a shame because he was a hard worker. He didn’t have to try to make himself out to look good. Even when I see or hear of the coach today I can’t get the image out of my mind. The funny thing is he has had some success in coaching. Deep down I wonder what he thinks about himself.

Instead of doing his job and doing the best he could, he had to try and make himself look good even to the point of being dishonest. He may have fooled the kid and the coach, but he did not fool himself. He was too busy trying to make a name for himself that in the process he developed a reputation. Instead of just being himself he tried to put on a persona that taught me a valuable lesson. It is important that you be true to yourself and work hard. That makes enough of an impression that others will definitely see in you.

Remember what Abraham Lincoln said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”

Each day think of the impression you are leaving not who you need to impress. If you are good at what you do and you are valuable the people around you will definitely notice. You can let your work and your actions do all the talking. They will speak loud and clear.

“My dad told me when I went into high school, 'It's not what you do when you walk in the door that matters. It's what you do when you walk out.' That's when you've made a lasting impression.”

Jim Thome

Elliott Goldwag Ph. D.

'Some people wait all there lives for the outside to change their inside. But it never seems to happen, because change comes from within us first, then the outside becomes different.' - Elliott Goldwag Ph. D.

Introduction to The Transtion Game of Life for Young Adults

Introduction

Two major questions as we begin this journey:
1. Why write the book?
2. Who am I trying to help?

The answer to the first question can best be described in a talk I had with my son, Hadley. Most of the time when I have asked him, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”Or ‘Where do you want to go to school?” he usually does not give much detail. Most often he does not give up information as I try to get into deep questions.

Finally this time he cracked a little bit and gave me some insight one day as I was sitting on his bed and we were talking. Since he was heading into his senior year of high school I thought this could be a good time to pose the questions about his future again. I asked him what he would like to end up doing one day.

He told me down the road he would like to be a “_______“. (I’ll keep it private just so he won’t get mad at me; the job is legal to easy the fears of my family) I got pumped up when he told me his goal. Immediately I said, “You can do that! Oh, man, no doubt you can do that one day.” I was happy for him and a little bit jealous. There was no question in my mind he could reach his goal if that is what he really wanted in life.

Now I was into this because he was sharing a dream. I immediately started going into my dad mode. I stood up and started to talk rapidly, “Here is what you need to do. You need to start calling these people and starting lining up internships with these people. We can call this person and this person” On and on I went. I think I was more energized than he was.

When he told me his vision I could see a plan. Because it was in the field of athletics I knew what it was going to take. I knew two men personally that had made it that level and I knew how dedicated they were to get there. The neat thing as his dad I knew a blueprint of how to get where he wanted to go.

That is reason number one for the book: to give you hope and excitement for your future.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.” God’s word says it best. My hope is to also give you hope and for a future.

What happens to a lot of us is that we get knocked over by life. Things happen to us and for one reason or another we begin to lose our balance. Some people can get pushed and pushed and pushed and eventually topple over and stay there. On the other hand there are some that get pushed and have the strength to bounce back up once they topple over.

Who is the book for?

All parents
Kids from divorced families or broken homes
Kids with depression
Kids with anxiety
Kids with poor self-esteem
Kids with baggage from their past
Kids that feel ashamed
Kids that have stories about their family that they can’t tell anyone else
Kids that are scared
Kids that are embarrassed
Kids that are loners
Kids that have anger
Kids that feel lost
Kids that have it all going for them because at some point they will face some tough times
Anyone working with kids

Probably the hardest thing to do in writing this book is in putting down on paper why am I qualified to write a book that you should read. The thought has gone around and around my head. Writing out the principles was much easier than trying to explain this part in the opening of the book.

I am going to bare my heart and soul with some of these stories and anecdotes throughout the book. You will be passed on some life lessons and advice as you read from the front all way to the back. I will try to help you keep from stepping on the land mines that are out there in life. Also a goal is to keep you from making the same mistakes I made and your parents may have made down the pathway of life. Experience is not the best teacher. Someone else’s experience is the best teacher. If they made a mistake and can keep you from making the same mistake that is a good teacher.

Being a coach and teacher for over 20 years does give some me knowledge and stories to share with you. Having 5 children and being married for over 20 years I can fill up a book on mistakes I have made as a dad and husband.

Another goal is to help anyone reading this book is to be able to reach as high and far as they can for the dreams and aspirations they have without worrying what others say. Pretty big objective huh? Unfortunately I see a lot of kids that talk about their dreams. What I do see is how we hold ourselves back from reaching our dreams by making some silly mistakes. We sabotage ourselves more than anyone else does to our dreams.

What I want you to think of is a big roll of tape. Imagine taking the tape and taping some part of your body. Maybe it is one of your arms to the side of your body. Maybe it is the tape over your mouth. You might even tape something else to your body. What about some additional weight like they use in the weight room? You wouldn’t want a 15 lb weight or a 25 lb weight attached to your hip. With weight attached to your body or tape around your mouth now go out and see how effective you can be for the next week. You wouldn’t be able to do the things you normally do with the same effectiveness. That is what I see with young people is they have added restrictions or added weight that they don’t need to carry around. They completely limit their ability to reach the goals they have set.
They do this by trying to live in a way to be important or have an identity. So many kids aren’t living with freedom because they have so much baggage from the past. What I would like to do is help people from getting years of therapy, counseling and medication. I am not a doctor and can’t replace a doctor. What I am trying to do is say face problems now and not later. Problems that we have emotionally don’t go away. They have to be dealt with head on. You have to face the problems they will not run away.

I see kids today that aren’t at ease in who they are. I call it “being comfortable in your own skin”. More and more kids are coming to us at the college level not comfortable or confident in just being themselves. They want to be something else because they are not happy with themselves.

Through a series of failures I came to the realization that life is a journey filled with ups and downs. It is not about trying to stay on top, but finding a way to bounce back from some setbacks. It’s hard to find someone out there that has had some success or is experiencing success without going through some sort of failure or failures.

At a very low point in my life there were a couple of situations that occurred. It seemed like my life was like the old commercial “Help, I’ve fallen and can’t get up.” It took me more time to get back off the canvas after being knocked down that than it should have taken. I was up walking around and going about my daily routine on the outside, but I wasn’t the same. Usually getting knocked down was no big deal. I would hang my head for a while then I could eventually get back up off the ground and back in the race. For some reason at the most important time I was not able to accomplish the quick rebound. With a wife and at the time three kids when I needed to be strongest I let them down.

I couldn’t move. I held onto grudges, worried about being done wrong, dwelled about missed opportunities and keep myself mired in a funk that kept me down instead of quickly getting back up off the ground. I was having my own pity party with a steep cover charge. Persistence had always been my middle name. What had I allowed to happen to myself?

Looking back, I failed to implement some of the strategies in this book that could have been such a big help. My wish is to give my own children, my players and people from all walks of life skills and emotional stability to make life a success. Success is not always in the winning, but you will see how you travel the path of life that it comes from striving to reach your potential. Life is a series of games and challenges. It is how you respond. Once you realize you will get beat and get knocked down a lot it can change the complexion. You have to a place to fail. I worked for very wise boss that one time told me in letting an employee go he wanted to, “give this person a safe place to land”. That is an excellent way to put how God treats us. He never wants us to fall on our face. There will be times when we start out racing on our own without following his guidance that we will fall. The fall can be hard, but God will give us a safe place to land.

You will grade success differently than your best friend, your neighbor, your siblings and maybe your parents. I have found success comes when we know how to reach down inside ourselves and find out what is our best and also never giving up even when the scoreboard says give up.

My heart is not for you to look at success the way the world looks at success, but that you find a peace inside and a joy with what you do with your life. Naturally I want to help everyone to reach his or her full potential. I have seen so many people take full advantage of whatever they talents they have been given and unfortunately have also seen those that have not taken advantage of their great opportunities.

As we get started in this journey let me leave you with a quote my father gave me in college. He gave it to me in a plastic sheet protector and it was a poorly copied version. I had the quote with me for the last 25 years. Either in my dorm room, on my desk, in my office or somewhere I could see it on an almost daily basis and remind myself of the main points of persistence.



If I pride myself on anything it would have to be my persistence. I felt like the areas where I found success in my life through my profession or in relationships was in my ability to persist and not give up. That is what brought me to the point of writing this book and putting it down on paper. Some areas and experiences of my life I failed to persist and it cost my family and career dearly. My goal now is to create for myself a situation that I do not have that lack of persistence. Let’s find a way to develop habits that allow you to fall down and also to get back up and go back in the race. This book can be a good starting place for you.

“Good habits formed at youth make all the difference”
Aristotle

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3 things for parents and kids

We had a good turnout for our camp this past week. The kids did a super job of listening and trying to learn.

Our theme this week was what Tom Izzo, from Michigan State, says, "listen to learn, learn to listen."

As we finished up camp yesterday we encouraged the parents and campers with three points to think about as they left our campus. We also wanted them to think about the rest of the summer.

1. " It’s not what you achieve it’s what you become."
The accolades you receive are not as important as the person you become. Just because you don’t achieve the greatest stats or awards it doesn’t affect your character. Focus more on who you are a person on the inside than your status.

2. "Don’t give up, don’t ever give up"
During Coach Jim Valvano’s impassioned speech at the ESPY’s before his death he used this line. Don’t give up on your kids no matter how much they frustrate you and drive you crazy. They have a chance to be molded into something special.

Kids need to do the same thing. Allow you parents to be parents. Don’t give up on them trying to learn to be better parents. They will make mistakes and they most often will try to get better.

3. What You Think of Me is None of My Business.
This is actually the title of a book by Terry Cole Whitaker. No matter how hard we try we can’t please everyone. There is no sense even trying to make everyone in our circle happy. If as a coach I try to make all of our players happy we will not have a very good chance of having a good team. If a teacher tries to make all the students happy then there probably will not be a lot of learning going on in that classroom

If you try to make your kids happy all the time you will not be able to provide them the discipline they need. We know that if our kids try to make all their friends happy and try to please everyone they will end up in a lot of trouble especially if they end up in the wrong crowd. Even being in the good crowd can give them problems because it would be impossible to keep all those friends happy. What others think of you is none of your business. You have to be happy in your own skin and realize God made you in a special way for a special purpose.

What I want ask of my team each year

I want my teams to have these qualities each year. When you watch our teams I want you to think these things about our squad.

Teamwork
Dependable
Resilient
Consistent
Honest
Loyal
Encouraging

John Homer Miller

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."

John Homer Miller

Good Things Come to Those Who Ask by Jack Canfield

 

Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it!

Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.

They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely, though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking!

Do you ask for what you want or are you afraid of rejection?

Consider this:  Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?

Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. You may just need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.

How to Ask for What You Want

There’s a specific science to asking for and getting what you want or need in life. And while I recommend you learn more by studying The Aladdin Factor, here are some quick tips to get you started:

1. Ask as if you expect to get it. Ask with a positive expectation. Ask from the place that you have already been given it. It is a done deal. Ask as if you expect to get a “yes.”

2. Assume you can. Don’t start with the assumption that you can’t get it. If you are going to assume, assume you can get an upgrade. Assume you can get a table by the window. Assume that you can return it without a sales slip. Assume that you can get a scholarship, that you can get a raise, that you can get tickets at this late date. Don’t ever assume against yourself.

3. Ask someone who can give it to you. Qualify the person. Who would I have to speak to get... Who is authorized to make a decision about... What would have to happen for me to get...

4. Be clear and specific. In my seminars, I often ask, “Who wants more money in their life?” I’ll pick someone who raised their hand and give them a quarter, asking, “Is that enough for you?” “No? Well, how would I know how much you want? How would anybody know?”

You need to ask for a specific number. Too many people are walking around wanting more of something, but not being specific enough to obtain it.

5. Ask repeatedly. One of the most important Success Principles is the commitment to not give up.

Whenever we’re asking others to participate in the fulfillment of our goals, some people are going to say “no.” They may have other priorities, commitments and reasons not to participate. It’s no reflection on you.

Just get used to the idea that there’s going to be a lot of rejection along the way to the brass ring. The key is to not give up. When someone says “No”— you say “NEXT!” Why?

Because when you keep on asking, even the same person again and again...they might say “yes”...

…on a different day
…when they are in a better mood
…when you have new data to present
…after you’ve proven your commitment to them
…when circumstances have changed
…when you’ve learned how to close better
…when you’ve established better rapport
…when they trust you more
…when you have paid your dues
…when the economy is better
…and so on.

Kids know this Success Principle better than anyone. They will ask the same person over and over again without any hesitation. (can you relate?)

Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.

Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, and start asking.

Remember, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE… if you dare to ask!

I'll be back in two weeks with another edition of Success Strategies. Until then, see how you can discover ways to immediately implement what you learned from today's message!

© 2010 The Canfield Training Group
All Rights Reserved.

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Are you "stuck" in this area?
If you need to change your behaviors, create new self-talk, and develop a plan to get what you want from life, I'm happy to help you move beyond your barriers at my powerful Breakthrough to Success program being held this August in Scottsdale.

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Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com